By now, unless you have been living under a rock, you have probably heard about comedian Pranit More. He recently found himself at the centre of a controversy in India after encouraging an audience member’s joke during a live show. The punchline suggested that after spending ₹370 on biryani, the audience member did not get “anything” in return.Since then, he has issued a public apology, acknowledging that he went too far and that he deserves the criticism. However, the larger question is when and how do people learn about sexism?
Society rewards sexist humour
The joke was undoubtedly crass and deeply rooted in misogyny. The belief that a woman is a commodity whose company can be purchased. But let’s be honest, this is not the first time we have heard a joke like this. Such beliefs stem from a long-standing culture of sexist humour.
I have witnessed first-hand that when a student in college made a crude joke about girls in class and that joke was met with laughter, he learnt that demeaning women or making sexist remarks is “cool.” He learnt that he will be socially rewarded every time he makes such a joke.
Similarly, when jokes like these receive applause at a live comedy show, they send a message that misogynistic attitudes are acceptable and widely shared.
You have probably heard similar jokes in schools, WhatsApp groups, social gatherings, and workplaces. Comments such as, “She’s friendly with everyone,” implying that she is available; “Why does she need male friends? Maybe she keeps them as backups?”; “We all know how she got that promotion”; or even seemingly complimentary statements like, “You’re not like other girls” or “You think like a man,” as though that is the highest form of praise.
You would be lying to yourself if you claimed that you have never been the target of a sexist joke, never made one, or never laughed at one.
In my opinion, these attitudes begin in adolescence and are strengthened through years of conditioning. Years of seeing people laugh at such jokes. Years of watching these attitudes being modelled and rewarded, make people believe that this behaviour is normal and acceptable.
Early Lessons in Sexism and Shame
Children are not born with sexist beliefs. They learn them.
From an early age, young girls are often told to dress modestly and sit properly, while boys rarely receive the same instructions. This teaches girls that their bodies are somehow dangerous and that it is their responsibility to protect themselves from unwanted attention.
The roles we perform at home also shape children’s understanding of gender. They learn that sexism exists and is so deeply embedded in our culture that it often goes unquestioned.
I have friends who, even today, are expected to dedicate their lives to their husbands and in-laws. They are expected to cook, clean, and set aside their own ambitions to meet the needs of the family. When children grow up watching this at home. Watching this in movies, television, and advertisements, they absorb and internalise these messages.
They learn that women earn their place in society by being modest, accommodating, and devoted to their families.
Even when children witness divorce, they often see sexism unfold in subtle but powerful ways. Mothers are frequently told things like, “You’re a woman, who will marry a divorced woman with a child?” Men are rarely subjected to the same scrutiny.
This teaches children that a woman’s worth is conditional. That she must remain untouched, uncomplicated, and socially acceptable in order to be valued.
The Law Is Still Worded Through a Patriarchal Lens
While we would like to believe that gender discrimination or sexism no longer exists. That both men and women contribute equally at home and at work, the reality is far more complex.
A large portion of our society still lives in rural areas. Even among urban, educated, and economically privileged communities, traditional gender roles continue to be followed quite strictly.
This social conditioning has also found its way into the law.
As a lawyer, I have often discussed the provision under the BNS that criminalises the act of “outraging a woman’s modesty” with my colleagues. Recently, I came across an interesting article by Nandita Sengupta arguing that attaching the concept of “modesty” exclusively to women is archaic.
She says that provision is intended to address gender-based harassment through unwanted physical contact or acts that humiliate and violate a woman’s dignity. Yet, the fact that legal protection is still linked to a woman’s “modesty” subtly suggests that women who dress boldly or speak freely are somehow less deserving of protection because they possess less “modesty” to begin with.
This remains problematic despite efforts to make laws more gender-neutral.
What this framework ultimately establishes is that women must maintain a certain level of modesty (one that is constantly interpreted and reinterpreted by society) in order to be respected and protected.
Men, however, are subjected to no such expectation.
Early Education on Sexism Is the Need of the Hour
While positive steps are being taken to encourage conversations around boundaries, consent, and sexism in workplaces, I believe these conversations are happening far too late.
By the time a person attends a mandatory sexual harassment training session in their twenties or thirties, they have already spent decades absorbing traditional ideas about gender, power, and consent. It is difficult to undo years of conditioning through a few compulsory workshops.
As someone who has conducted such trainings myself, I am not suggesting that change is impossible. Awareness programmes and open conversations have helped many people recognise their biases, reflect on their behaviour, and make meaningful changes.
However, if we are truly serious about prevention, imagine how much easier it would be if children grew up understanding that everyone deserves equal respect regardless of gender, that friendliness is not consent, and that “no” means “no.”
Children are often far more receptive to these values than adults.
In fact, they can even hold the adults around them accountable. We may underestimate a child’s ability to influence the mindset of parents and caregivers, but adults learn far more from children than we often acknowledge.
When a child points out an unconscious bias, sexist attitude or challenges a stereotype, it can prompt a parent to reflect on their own assumptions.
This controversy, like many others, will eventually fade from public memory. Another controversy will replace it, and the cycle will continue.
But if, in the meantime, we make a conscious effort to teach children and parents/caregivers about respect, equality, consent, and dignity, then we would have learned something meaningful from this incident.
More importantly, we would have taken a step towards creating lasting, systemic change.
